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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Chinese
Waiter
Humor
Ordered
Lasts
Restaurant
Last
Meal
Funny
Amazed
Night
Restaurants
Whole
Meals
Even
French
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
