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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Body
Men
Cattle
Heads
Bodies
Worth
Humor
Head

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman