Quote

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bodies
Worth
Humor
Head
Funny
Body
Men
Cattle
Heads

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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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