Quote

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bodies
Worth
Humor
Head
Funny
Body
Men
Cattle
Heads

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman