Quote

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Body
Men
Cattle
Heads
Bodies
Worth
Humor
Head

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman