Quote

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Heads
Bodies
Worth
Humor
Head
Funny
Body
Men
Cattle

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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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