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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tough
Afraid
Humor
Dead
Told
Guy
Funny

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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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