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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Dead
Told
Guy
Funny
Tough
Afraid

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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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