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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Tough
Afraid
Humor
Dead
Told
Guy
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman