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If I had blood, I'd blush.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Blood
Funny
Blush
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman