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If I had blood, I'd blush.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Blood
Funny
Blush
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman