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If I had blood, I'd blush.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Blush
Humor
Blood
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman