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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Blush
Humor
Blood
Funny
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
