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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Cameras
Brother
Humor
Funny
Family
Crick
Japanese
Bought
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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