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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Family
Crick
Japanese
Bought
Cameras
Brother
Humor

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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman