Quote

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Family
Learn
Wish
Work
Kind
Trade
Would
Brother
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman