Quote

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Work
Kind
Trade
Would
Brother
Humor
Funny
Family
Learn
Wish

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman