Quote

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wish
Work
Kind
Trade
Would
Brother
Humor
Funny
Family
Learn

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
Image
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Image
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Image
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
Image
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Image
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Image
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Image
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Image
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman
Image
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
Image
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Image
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
Image
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman