Quote

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Family
Learn
Wish
Work
Kind
Trade
Would
Brother
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman