Quote

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Yelling
Truck
Garbage
Ran
Jump
Late
Humor
Wife

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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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