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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Late
Humor
Wife
Funny
Yelling
Truck
Garbage
Ran
Jump
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman