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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Yelling
Truck
Garbage
Ran
Jump
Late
Humor
Wife
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
