Quote

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Truck
Garbage
Ran
Jump
Late
Humor
Wife
Funny
Yelling

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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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