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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Garbage
Ran
Jump
Late
Humor
Wife
Funny
Yelling
Truck
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
