Quote

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Ran
Jump
Late
Humor
Wife
Funny
Yelling
Truck
Garbage

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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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