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My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Belt
Belts
Shopping
Humor
Wife
Funny
Black

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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