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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Black
Belt
Belts
Shopping
Humor
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman