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My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Belt
Belts
Shopping
Humor
Wife
Funny
Black

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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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