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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Shopping
Humor
Wife
Funny
Black
Belt
Belts
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman