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My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Funny
Black
Belt
Belts
Shopping
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman