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My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Black
Belt
Belts
Shopping
Humor
Wife
Funny

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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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