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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Way
Coming
Cop
Wife
Pulled
Wrong
Drives
Funny
Street
Everyone
Asked
Back
Streets
Must
Late
Going
Humor
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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