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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Wife
Funny
Years
Failed
Married

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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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