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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Years
Failed
Married
Humor
Wife
Funny

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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