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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Years
Failed
Married
Humor
Wife

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman