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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Around
Haven
Men
Humor
Single
Says
Wife
Seen
Jail
Funny
Killing
Woman
Havens

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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman