Quote

A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Around
Haven
Men
Humor
Single
Says
Wife
Seen
Jail
Funny
Killing
Woman
Havens

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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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