Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Seen
Jail
Funny
Killing
Woman
Havens
Around
Haven
Men
Humor
Single
Says
Wife
More quotes by Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
