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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Humor
Single
Says
Wife
Seen
Jail
Funny
Killing
Woman
Havens
Around
Haven

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman