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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Seen
Jail
Funny
Killing
Woman
Havens
Around
Haven
Men
Humor
Single
Says
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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