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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Done
Garage
Men
Polish
Love
Door
Doors
Humor
Goes
Funny
Vasectomy
Makes
Sears
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
