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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Love
Door
Doors
Humor
Goes
Funny
Vasectomy
Makes
Sears
Done
Garage
Men
Polish
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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