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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Call
Polish
Funny
Phone
Men
Doctor
Phones
Doctors
Ironing
Ears
Bandage
Humor
Bandages
Happened
Rang
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
