Quote

A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Call
Polish
Funny
Phone
Men
Doctor
Phones
Doctors
Ironing
Ears
Bandage
Humor
Bandages
Happened
Rang

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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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