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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Talk
Funny
Slower
Polish
Okay
Humor

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman