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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Talk
Funny
Slower
Polish
Okay
Humor

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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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