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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Polish
Okay
Humor
Talk
Funny
Slower

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman