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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Polish
Okay
Humor
Talk
Funny
Slower

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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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