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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Talk
Funny
Slower
Polish
Okay

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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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