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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Slower
Polish
Okay
Humor
Talk

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman