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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Slower
Polish
Okay
Humor
Talk

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman