Quote

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Spell
Polish
Farm
Spells
Farms
Humor
Funny
People

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman
Image
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
Image
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Image
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
Henny Youngman
Image
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Image
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Image
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
Image
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
Image
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
Image
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Image
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
Image
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
Image
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman