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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Locked
Hours
Hour
Funny
Keys
Car
Took
Humor
Wife
Polish
Guy
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
