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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Keys
Car
Took
Humor
Wife
Guy
Polish
Hours
Locked
Funny
Hour

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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