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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wife
Guy
Polish
Hours
Locked
Funny
Hour
Keys
Car
Took
Humor
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Henny Youngman
