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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Took
Humor
Wife
Guy
Polish
Hours
Locked
Funny
Hour
Keys

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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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