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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Two
Polish
Men
Halloween
Burned
French
Humor
Happened
Faces
Bobbing
Funny
Fries
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman