Quote

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Spots
Humor
Call
Zebra
Funny
Zebras
Doe
Polish
Men
Pet
Spot
Bought

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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Henny Youngman