Quote

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Bought
Spots
Humor
Call
Zebra
Funny
Zebras
Doe
Polish
Men
Pet
Spot

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman