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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mouths
Blow
Exhaust
Car
Pipe
Humor
Polish
Funny
Burned
Sent
Terrorist
Mouth
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
