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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Humor
Polish
Funny
Burned
Sent
Terrorist
Mouth
Mouths
Blow
Exhaust
Car
Pipe
More quotes by Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
