Quote

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Two
Easter
Polish
Santa
Corner
Corners
Humor
Clauses
Funny
Basket
Tell
Baskets

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman