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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Basket
Tell
Baskets
Two
Easter
Polish
Santa
Corner
Corners
Humor
Clauses
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman