Quote

Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tell
Baskets
Two
Easter
Polish
Santa
Corner
Corners
Humor
Clauses
Funny
Basket

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
Henny Youngman
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
Henny Youngman