Quote

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Men
Stadium
Lawns
Stadiums
Yankees
Diamond
Cutter
Humor
Cutters
Funny
Yankee
Jobs
Lawn

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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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