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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Yankee
Jobs
Lawn
Men
Stadium
Lawns
Stadiums
Yankees
Diamond
Cutter
Humor
Cutters
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
Henny Youngman
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
