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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Lawns
Stadiums
Yankees
Cutter
Diamond
Cutters
Humor
Yankee
Funny
Lawn
Jobs
Men
Stadium
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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