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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Park
Didn
Parks
Men
Cars
Jewish
Policeman
Car
Curb
Humor
Pulls
Says
Policemen
Asks
Cop
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
