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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Curb
Humor
Pulls
Says
Policemen
Asks
Cop
Funny
Park
Didn
Parks
Men
Cars
Jewish
Policeman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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