Quote

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Park
Didn
Parks
Men
Cars
Jewish
Policeman
Car
Curb
Humor
Pulls
Says
Policemen
Asks
Cop

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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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