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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Didn
Parks
Men
Cars
Jewish
Policeman
Car
Curb
Humor
Pulls
Says
Policemen
Asks
Cop
Funny
Park
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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